Fear

This week has been calming and filled with support and love. Our family was going through a painful loss, but we were home, together. No errands, no play dates, no craziness (other than the usual craziness if being together). Today Tony went back to work and I stayed home with the boys. Another day of just being a family: some school work, some cleaning, nap time, the usual for a non-work day.  Tomorrow I re-enter the real world, I go back to work. I’m pretty sure my body is starting to shift back to normal hormone levels and is winding down everything else that happens during a miscarriage.

My initial fear of going back to work this week was that I would complete this miscarriage there and the first night was pretty bad. There was nothing I could do and no way I could handle the physical aspects of it in public (let alone the emotions that went a long with it). Since then I’m pretty sure my body completed the process even though it wasn’t any where near as bad as the first night. 

So why am I afraid to go back to work?

Because I still cry at the drop of a hat, my emotions are not controllable and I don’t like to cry in public. The love and support I’ve been overwhelmed by, still makes me cry. A hug, a kind word, it all makes me tear up. I know that the support is helping me to get through this, and appreciate everyone’s offers of help, I just wish I could keep my eyes dry, at least while I’m surrounded by students and coworkers. 

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