Getting out of this funk!

This is really hard for me to talk about but I know I need to get it out there to help myself and maybe someone else who reads this.

I thought I was doing really well shortly after TJ was diagnosed. I had stopped crying in the car (or whenever I was alone) and I was just dealing with issues that arose on a daily (or minutely) basis without freaking out.

I have been really tired over the last few months (I know totally expected with a 5 month old). But this was beyond tired. I had started working out but couldn’t get past day 2 without falling asleep on the couch while feeding Gabriel before workout time. I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) stop myself from eating anything sweet that got in my path. After 2 weeks of trying, i gave up on exercising altogether.

About 2 weeks ago I had a realization. I realized these things could be symptoms of something bigger. I had fought with depression a couple times in the past, never anything really major, just a general sadness and tired, not really wanting to do things (even fun things). I always just came out of these “funks” without meds (I did try meds once but they didn’t do anything for me so I stopped taking them rather than going in for a different Rx) or therapy, just time and prayer.

Last week I added a new symptom to my list, weepiness. I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat, no matter how hard I try to hold the tears back.

I obviously have every reason to go into a depression, my life reads like a country song lately: Had a baby (not that that’s sad but it can cause depression), my 3 year old diagnosed with diabetes, our dog died, and we’re poor (still haven’t received a full paycheck since my maternity leaveโ€”Junes’ should be though! J).

Now that I know what’s going on it’s time that I act! No, I don’t plan to go see a doctor and get on anti-depressants (yet). I’m going to make some changes first and if that doesn’t work I will probably try that route. As a nursing mom drugs kind of scare me, how they would affect Gabriel.

Here’s my plan:

  1. Starting to take and extra Iron supplement (maybe I’m a little anemic and that’s part of why I’m so tired)
  2. Start watching what I’m eating, counting calories and giving up alcohol and sweets (or at least cutting way back on them)
  3. Exercise 6 nights a week, no more falling asleep on the couch.
  4. Start praying more frequently and trying to let go of what I can’t change, leaving it in God’s hands.
  5. Reevaluate in a couple weeks and see if I need to go see a Dr. or make some more changes.

I do know that I am very blessed. I have a wonderful husband and TJ has been so easy through most of his life changes. Even Gabriel mellowed out shortly after TJs diagnosis (although not enough to sleep through the night). ๐Ÿ˜‰ I also have an amazing group of family and friends who have been so supportive of me and my family through all our drama this year and you are all greatly appreciated!

Having written all this in stone (or blog) ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’ve already started counting calories (today was my first day) and I managed to avoid all the sweets in the break room. J Even the chocolate cake that was brought in! J And now I’m going to go do about an hour long cardio workout (get those endorphins pumping!).

Sorry this post isn’t as fun or picture filled as my previous posts ๐Ÿ˜‰ I promise to write about something more up-beat next time. J And keep you posted on how I’m doing. J

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5 Comments

  1. I think it is great you have said it out loud! It really seems to help. Call anytime if you need to chat. I understand the depression issue and it is very difficult to go through alone! Good luck with your plan but know that seeing a doctor is NOT a weakness!! Miss you!!

    • It’s not that I think it’s a weakness, I’m just afraid of being on meds while nursing (and I don’t want to pay the copay or take the time to find a Dr.) But I am planning to, if this doesn’t work. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the support! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Barbara

    So proud of you! I love you very much and am here whenever for whatever you need! God didn’t give me a sister by birth, but he gave me you! So one helpful hint up your B vitamins ๐Ÿ™‚ helps both tiredness and depression ๐Ÿ˜‰ that’s one thing I have done this past year

    • Thanks Barb! ๐Ÿ™‚ I love you too! I’ll try adding extra B vitamins too. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I think you have the right attitude about the whole thing, Mary.
    -You recognize that you are not yourself
    -You allow that things in your life are hard, so it’s not all your fault for feeling down
    -You realize that habits like exercise and diet are playing a role
    -You are brave to write it out. I think it’s good and healthy to do that, much better than keeping it all in and letting it fester!
    -Most importantly, you are making goals to get better. (And including God in them. Prayer is SO key, I think!)

    The two things I would caution against is setting goals that are too high. I think it’s amazing that you want to exercise 6 days a week, and maybe for you that is exactly the right thing to do. But if you have been so exhausted lately, maybe make your goal 3 or 4 days a week at first? Since you are nursing your little 5 mo old, your body is working pretty hard making that milk. I’m sure you are going to drink enough fluids and eat enough, but just be careful! I don’t want you to collapse!

    Also, you should expect to be down because of TJ’s diagnosis. You should allow yourself even more time to process this. I think gradually it will make you less upset as you think and deal with it, but if I were you I wouldn’t let myself feel bad for still being upset about it. It’s a big, life changing event. I know I would be a puddle on the ground if Louisa got that diagnosis (and it’s not outside the realm of possibility…) But TJ has the best parents he could ever ask for, and you guys will learn to manage! I know it! You are doing remarkably well considering everything!

    I will be praying for you! (And lets still get together, okay!)

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